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War Stooges Give the World a WedgieBetween Iraq and Azore Place |
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Soon, there would be regime change and exchange of weapons of mass destruction. Chances were that even Saddam Hussein could be caught within the spiraling web of war. There was little chance that the Boys of the Winter
of Discontent could enter Spring declaring victory and departing to face
their real issues. Here on the beautiful Azores, there was no opportunity
to explore what some believe are the highest elevations of the Lost Continent
of Atlantis. Bush: You know my attorney general is at this very moment investigating the possibility that “Emmanuel,” the weird guy in Utah who kidnapped that little girl was actually an agent of Saddam Hussein. That would be enough to bring CNN to our side. Blair: There’s a possibility! After all, how could a homeless guy from Utah afford to vacation in San Diego? We’ve got some statistics purloined off the Internet about Saddam taking a special interest in the American homeless . I think he was using it to explain to his people that they were better off than Americans and why he need dozens of presidential palaces during a time of food and housing shortages in Iraq. Aznar: As much as the Spanish people understand the “running of the bull,” I don’t think they’re going to buy it. Bush: If they don’t buy it, tell them we’ll put Pat Buchanan in charge of Border Patrols and really keep your people from sneaking across into Texas. Aznar: You idiot! I’m from SPAIN! We don’t share a border with Texas or any other place in the US! Bush: But you guys speak Spanish! Next, you’ll tell me you don’t have a Taco Bell… Aznar: Can we get on to the REAL subject at hand here? Bush: Yeah guys, I think we’re losing ground in this here UN protection racket. I think we ought to give it up and just go kick some Saddam butt. I’m tired of waiting around for those pussy willows running up a tree and turning Public Enemy Number One into Chiraq’s Iraq. By the way, freedom fries anyone? Blair: Thanks, I think I’ll stick to my bangers and mash. George, what happened to your animal magnetism that you seemed to find in that bullhorn at Ground Zero? Seems like you just can’t seem to make lemmings from lemonade anymore… Bush: Hell, I can’t even get my brother Jeb to agree to a new Hard Orange terror alert unless we make it a Hard Florida Orange alert. Hell, this isn’t some election coming up, we really mean WAR! Aznar: Are you sure about that? I thought we were trying to keep the news media occupied so they wouldn’t realize that this week is the third anniversary of the NASDAQ going over 3,000 and unemployment approaching three percent. Bush: It’s that axis of evil that is bringing the NASDAQ down to 666. Blair: Well, we’ve got to find something new and exciting to keep the press focused away from economic blunders. Bush: OK, how much would it take to get Hans Blix to report to the UN that his weapons inspectors have found the Lindbergh baby in Iraq?
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It
was a time for a gathering of leadership. Still, only George Bush, Tony
Blair and Jose Maria Aznar showed up at the Azores on this St. Patrick’s
Day Eve.