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| "George the Conquerer" Spares a Grateful Nation After Bush: God Save the Queen |
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No, I’m restoring dignity to the White House, following Uncle Dick’s legislative agenda like you asked me, and dining with the Queen — Elizabeth, not Charles. You would have been proud of me over in England this week, unlike you, I never threw up on a single prime minister. Of course I did scream at my driver a bit when he couldn’t seem to stay on the right side of the road. It was bad enough that he ignored my advice — but he even missed an opportunity to run over some limey demonstrator who was yelling at me to go home. But never mind her; we’re on the way to cutting
her and her bag lady friends off Medicare, one HMO at a time. Most people here really like me. They really, really like me! I know because even one of the protestors here said I was the most welcome visitor to this country since William the Conqueror. I don’t know what this Bill guy did to earn his welcome, but I think word has gotten out that Rummy believes England should be next to earn democracy status right after Iraq. Just like I promised the people back home that “Washington will look more like America,” when I’m president, I think the state of Britain should look more like America as well. Of course it will be difficult to have a US State so close
to France, but I never had a problem with the French folk in Louisiana
when I was governor of Texas. It’s states like Massachusetts that
give me headaches. Speaking of that, I don’t think hanging around
a queen even on the other side of the pond, sends a good message to the
people who support me. At least Tony Blair looks more and more like Barney,
my lapdog every time I see him. But I can’t seem to find as many
folks here who have the balls of Margaret Thatcher that Uncle Ronnie admired
so much. The tour busses in this country all seemed so 15th century
around here. Many of them seemed like tanks with people in chain mail
riding inside. It was like one of those classic old Norman Conquest movies
like Robin Hood, Men in Tights. I never really saw much of the
country as I was transported around the country in a rental tank. At least
I didn’t stick my head out like Michael Dukakis — that was
the best advice you ever gave him, Dad! I’m still gratified by our Republican Congress that
is doing so much to preserve our legislative agenda. While everyone else
was focused on the sleepovers at Never Never Land, our guys were dissing
Democrats in the pre-dawn hours at an undisclosed location — thanks
to all those prescription medicines brought in by our friends at pharmaceutical
companies and Rush Limbaugh’s administrative assistant. Unfortunately,
just as our GOP partners were reviving their energy, the Democrats forwarded
all their spam messages from online drug suppliers and jammed up the Congressional
voting system until primetime on C-SPAN. We’ll get them for that. Wait until Jeb installs those Diebold voting machines in Florida next November.
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I
am back at Camp Kennebunkport again, or as I like to call it — the
East Coast Never Never Land. Of course I never invite folks over for sleepovers
here, like that President who stood between us, if you know what I mean.