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| Is Bush a Bigger Liar? Nixon Library: Kerry Claim 'Lies' |
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The spokesman recalled that America’s 36th president went to great lengths to protect his reputation for lying to the American people. “Richard Nixon deleted only expletives from his lies for social Christians, tennis stars and others whose ears were sensitive,” the Nixon library spokesman insisted. “Even Elvis Presley called Richard Nixon, nothing but a hound-dog.” Senator John Kerry, in keeping with his new offensive, refused to apologize to the Nixon Library officials. “At least when Nixon lied, the worst that happened is that the constitution was put in jeopardy,” Kerry said. “Since Dubya reached the pinnacle of lying, the bodies are mounting up in a silent hangar at Dover Air Force Base.” Republicans admit that they have developed lying into an art form and Bush is principled in his prevarications. “Bush won't travel a limited, modified hangout road on inoperative statements. He won’t just tell you that it’s a dark, dreary day outside when the sun is shining,” one GOP staffer noted, “he’ll go out and seed every cloud in the sky to make sure that the dreariness keeps on coming.” Bush administration officials note that the incumbent has established a clear and present system to prevent the truth from being set free. “If the boss disagrees with something scientists have discovered is true, he won’t let the facts get in the way with his side of the story,” a Bush aid said proudly. “At least until recently, most Americans believed him.” Aides say Bush’s success with disassembling the truth is based on his advanced degrees from the Halliburton Institute of Half Truths. With the encouragement of his vice president and buddy Dick Cheney, Bush has discovered the profitability of evading the truth. “I bet after my term is over, I have unlimited opportunity to sell used cars,” Bush noted. Right-wing heart throb Anne Coulter says Bush doesn’t have to stop at used cars. The author of “Treason,’ and other books dedicated to the idea that truth doesn’t sell, says Bush could have millions of dollars in weightless royalties waiting for him in the publishing industry. “America has a great appetite for fictional non-fiction,” Coulter noted. Meanwhile, Kerry is demanding that Bush participate in a series of monthly debates between now and November. Despite his common bond with Kerry at Yale’s top secret “Skull and Bones” society, Bush says he is reluctant to take on his former classmate. “We find these truths self evident,” Bush said in response,” that our creator has endowed us with certain inalienable rights, and those include life, liberty and wrapping ourselves in the flag at Ground Zero. "Nowhere, in this here constitution does it say we have to debate leftist terrorists. If Mr. Kerry wants to debate so badly, perhaps he should talk to me about a constitutional amendment. “ |
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A
spokesman for the Richard Nixon library took umbrage this week at the
statement of the likely Democratic nominee that the current Bush administration
is made up of the “greatest bunch of liars I have ever known.”