| |
In the News
Hello Faddah, from Camp Kennebunkport
Saddam
Shamed, Democrats Are Next
|
 April
10, 2003
Dear Daddy:
Hi Dad!
What an exciting month it’s been here at Camp Kennebunkport! I’ve
got Saddam’s head here sitting on top of the big screen in the family
residence. Laura isn’t too happy with it, though, says the scratches
all over the head from when the statue hit the ground make it look really
awful. We tried our best to make the statue crumble without too much damage.
We even signed up some of those Taliban experts that have been out of
work since they crushed those ancient Buddha statues. I was kind of getting
tired of those sissy flowers anyway. I hope soon we can have Saddam’s
REAL head sitting there!
Rommy let me ride around in his tank back in the woods
here while we were watching the jubilant Iraqi people who are so happy
to be rid of their tin-horn un-elected dictator who does nothing but screw
his own people. But then, what they don’t know is that I’m
just getting started with our 51st state! Hey, do you think Michael Dukakis
had as much fun riding around in a tank as I’m having?
I remember you telling me all those stories about the trouble you used
to have with that Democratic Congress! I was so happy when the people
gave me the Republican Congress of your dreams last November! I thought
the Congress and I could have so much fun raping and pillaging the national
treasury to make sure that America could forget how to spell “entitlemint”
or “entlement” or whatever… After all, if all of the
govinmint’s money is hidden in country clubs where it belongs, there
won’t be a spare nickel for some welfare cheat to get a blood transfusion,
or some superfluous infant to grow up into a welfare cheat.
But something weird has happened while Dick let me play in the situation
room. I got this BOUNCE notice in the mail from the 108th Congress. Can
you believe it, my VERY OWN REPUBLICAN CONGRESS! These suckers sent my
tax cut request back marked INSUFFICIENT FUNDS! Not only that, they charged
me $22 for bouncing my proposal!
What’s next?
Are they going to bounce my travel expenses to go to Ireland to visit
my friend Tony? It’s a good thing that Tony is part of the coalition
of the willing… you might think that Congress would be a member
of the coalition as well. Dammit, they got to spend $5 billion to change
all those signs in the cafeteria from “French fries” to “freedom
fries” without a blinkin’ “ooh-lah-lah” and they
won’t let me help my needy friends. Good grief, it’s going
to cost big Dick at least $5 billion to settle all that broo-ha-ha about
that Halliburton business in Iraq!
Maybe I was wrong in focusing on Saddam all this time. Perhaps we can
get Saddam and Osama back on our side where they began. I bet they’re
hiding together in some cave near Syria right now. We’ve still got
a supply of ammunition left over from that plan B outline where we were
going to stake out every donut shop in Baghdad in wait for Saddam.
We could have a chat with Saddam and Osama and convince them that it was
Congress who ordered the destruction of their country. We might even give
them some incentive like funding a campaign for them to oppose Chaffee
in Rhode Island and Snow in Maine.
Then again, they may be more interested in knowing where the vegetable
oil is for the freedom fries….
Your son,
Georgie |
