Exposing the Foggy Bottom from the Third Rail
Letter from Camp Kennebunkport
Not Every Child Behind Bush
In the News
think I finally discovered a child I want to leave behind... This uppity
10-year-old girl had the balls to call me a moron, as my limousine was
leaving the driveway of one of my millionaire friends in Medina, Washington,
I was just telling Larry King last week that I am beloved all over this
country for my compassion, brilliance and wit. Every person that stands
alongside the path of my limousine is there smiling and waving as if they
had been instructed to do so. Whenever I go to a fundraiser, or address
a group of my loyalists, I never hear a discouraging word, and I often
get the thanks for a job well done.
Just how did that kid think she could belittle me?
I think we’re going to strip the state of Washington of all of its
education funds. Teach ‘em a lesson. Teach her daddy a lesson too,
calls himself a good Republican just because he’s a pioneer fundraiser
and he raved about Laura’s fruitcakes last Christmas. He obviously
sends his kids to the wrong schools… schools that don’t teach
Fortunately a Secret Service agent was able to grab the kid, rustle her
to the ground and put her on a flight to Guantanomo where there are other
kids who think like her.
I told Karl to increase his crowd control vigilance. From now on we’re
going to need to get signed loyalty oaths even from infants in the crowd
before they can join my audience. If good Republican parents can’t
control their kids, where is this country going? First they disrespect
their emperor — er, president — next, they start doing drugs
and killing rich people. Maybe these kids need to spend some time thinking
about discipline. I’ll check with Rummy and maybe he can cut that
draft age down to about six or seven, when we expand our presence in Iraq,
Iran and France after the inauguration.
I’m getting all pumped up for the convention coming up at Ground
Zero in a couple of weeks, thanks especially to Gov. Schwarzenegger who
will protect us from any girlie-men that sneak in from New Jersey. We’re
going to show America that the GOP is just like America, where fighter
jets, millions of policemen, barbed wire and security cameras protect
us from terrorists, Democrats and chewing gum on the streets. We’re
going to show off our compassionate side, including the world premiere
of a new musical comedy based on the events at Abu Ghraib prison.
I still remember how you wowed them with your first acceptance speech
back in 1988, Poppi. “Read my lips, no new taxes, “will go
down in history as fighting words. I’m hoping I can develop something
similar in my speech in September. How does, “Read my lips, these
are the lips of God!” sound?
Good thing they’re not allowing any 10-year-old kids on the convention floor.
Your over-achieving son,
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