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War with Iraq?
Iraqi Weapons tied to
Sniper Gun Store
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 Ottowa,
Ontario — "George W. Bush really is a moron," said
an obviously elated "Saddam Hussein," who was joined by a recently
dismissed Canadian official at an unexpected news conference in Canada's
capitol city.
Although the comments initially received little attention from the White
House or Canadian Prime Minister Jeanne Chrétien, the world's attention
was heightened when Hussein was shown present at similar news conferences
simulcast by CNN, Fox News and MSNBC from London, Tokyo, Berlin, Paris,
Moscow, Beijing, and Crawford, Texas.
The press conference, on the eve of an expected step-up
in hostilities
In still another catastrophic intelligence failure, no agent had been
tipped off about the cloning program that made the most hated man
at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue into just another "Tickle-Me Saddam"
action figure. |
revealed that more than half a million clones of the
"the mother of all dictators" had been gestated and grown in
an underground assembly plant that was not revealed to UN weapons inspectors.
The Hussein clone admitted that the plot was designed to confuse and befuddle
American special weapons teams who might have designs on the dictator.
"Imagine the looks on the eyes of American military teams when every
member of the Republican Guard looks exactly like me," the clone
said.
CIA officials had warned for years that Hussein has dozens of look-a-likes
that resemble the dictator in an effort to confuse potential assassins
and even groupies of the Iraqi President who was recently re-elected without
benefit of an Electoral College degree like that of Bush. In still another
catastrophic intelligence failure, no agent had been tipped off about
the cloning program that made the most hated man at 1600 Pennsylvania
Avenue into just another "Tickle-Me Saddam" action figure.
McLennan County Sheriff Billy Bob Hezbollah revealed that DNA tests on
Saddam taken after someone who appeared to be the Iraqi President was
taken into custody near the Bush Ranch in Texas showed that DNA samples
matched those found by the weapons inspectors in a recent search of a
hot tub room in one of Hussein's suburban Baghdad palaces. "We can't
give you any more information because the case has been taken over by
very high officials from the Justice Department," Hezbollah said.
Sources say Attorney General John Ashcroft will lead an intensive "prayer
meeting," with the suspect at an undisclosed location hidden underneath
a Waco barbecue restaurant and motorcycle repair shop.
In his weekly radio address President Bush reiterated his personal loathing
for the idea of cloning. "It's bad enough when Austin Powers has
to toleratize something like Dr. Evil's Mini-Me, I don't think the American
people are going to toleratize thousands of copies of someone my daddy
says is knee-high to Hitler," Bush said.
Meanwhile, a splinter group of Raelians in Morocco claimed responsibility
for mass-cloning the hirsute "Butcher of Baghdad," as a means
of financing their human cloning manufacturing facility. "To paraphrase
the paraphrased words of a famed moron, a fool can't be fooled again,"
the leader of the pro-cloning group reminded his CNN interviewer.
Although mainstream alien-worshipping Raelians claim to be "pro-life,"
some conservatives have expressed doubts that the newly announced babies
delivered without the typical "dinner and a movie" process are
not truly life forms. "They lack souls," a young Republican
pediatrician noted, lighting a cigarette.
The splinter group behind the cloning of Hussein says all humans lack
soul, as evidenced by any Top 40 music chart. "Soul went out with
disco," said Heather Pectanal, spokeswoman for the splinter group.
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