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| Bush Fears Cherry Garcia Meltdown Go West Young Freedom Fighter |
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Hello Faddah:
I regret I couldn’t get to go to DisneyWorld anymore now that they started letting in homosexuals with mustaches. Some of the men they let in are a few moon shots short of Tomorrowland too, if you catch my drift. Ya know, the people out there in granola land can’t seem to spell my name. I mean, I admit I’ve got my problems with spelling, but there seems to be some sort of stupidity epidemic somewhere between the palm trees and the salmon runs. Here I go all the way out there just to add some lining to my pockets and all the way into town people are holding these signs that spell “D-E-A-N.” I know that these are supposed to be signs welcoming into town, because they are the same red, white and blue colors — without the red and white — that the folks at Fox News trademarked for me. Some British intelligence aides travelling with me of course did notice that these signs had streaks of yellowcake uranium in addition to the blue. I checked with Karl and he says there ain’t no yellow in OUR signs, must be one of those pinko, pro-terrorist running dogs trying to pretend that they could be me. When I was in the hotel room, I went to lie down for a few minutes, turned on the TV and Fox was showing a group up on front of the Lincoln Memorial — all of them shouting “I have a Dean! — or something like that — I can’t remember all of what they were saying down, because I dozed off, but I thought I heard something like “my children will not be judged by the direction of their political drift but by the character of their promises…” Can you imagine that, a whole mass of black people hanging around talking about "character" and politics. Mind you, I’ve got nothing against black people, I just don’t want ‘em to get married. Speaking of Good Christians, I’m beginning to realize why Texas cockroaches have grown knee-high to the Texas Bank & Trust building. My exterminator friend Tom Delay doesn’t seem to understand how to seal off the borders and keep the damn Democrats from dodging their responsibility to surrender the state to the Republicans. Maybe I should send in John Ashcroft and throw the Patriot Act at the Democrats. I bet Johnnie can find something in the good book of ant-terrorism to make the redcoats turn over not only our rightful seats in Congress but send Texas Democrats off to France for good. By the way, when I was in California, Arnie said to send his love. As for me, he just made me get down and give him twenty. I did twenty-five push-ups before he laughed and said twenty ASSEMBLY Districts! What a cutup that guy — we’ve got to get Sen. McClintock some help before he is terminated. I’m still concerned about that guy from Ben & Jerry's Country. He could melt me down into a dripping mass of Cherry Garcia in a debate before it’s all over. This man is a doctor after all, and he’s had his plastic glove up the, er, pulse of America. He could make America feel its pain! Do you think I should let black folks get married? Georgie Boy. |
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Well
here I am, safely back in Crawford after hanging around the West Coast
for a few days. These month-long summer vacations are just too short.
I think in the future, I’m going to turn September 11, into a long
weekend through New Year’s Day.