| |
In
the News
Weapons of Mass Ignorance
|
 Publishers
of former First Lady Hillary Clinton’s already-massive autobiography
say a new 250-page online addendum to Living History is designed
to answer some questions regarding Hillary’s post-White House years.
“It gives important information on the current whereabouts of Iraq’s
alleged weapons of mass destruction, and also hints at a brief encounter
of the romantic kind between Mrs. Clinton and Saddam Hussein, “
a publicist for the publisher revealed.
Critics, on the other hand, say the online addendum is designed to give
the book much-needed attention as the book reading world focuses on Harry
Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
Security for the Hillary Clinton addendum is even higher than that used
in the distribution of the new Harry Potter volume. Each person who has
bought a copy of Living History is assigned an “Activation
Number” similar to that used by Microsoft to protect against illegal
copies of its Windows XP® operating system and Office ® software.
That way, readers must fork over the full retail price for the book or
show proof of purchase. The addendum — which is much spicier than
the original 700 plus pages — can only be printed one time before
the page expires.
Our sources at liftingthefog.com report that Mrs. Clinton reveals that
she purposely lured Saddam Hussein into a love affair briefly after she
learned about Mr. Clinton’s numerous affairs during their time in
the White House. During this affair, she apparently learned the codes
for the alarms on all of Saddam’s weapons facilities including nuclear
bombs, chemical weapons and an anthrax cache that Saddam had cleverly
hidden next to a Seven-Eleven Slurpee machine near a suburban Maryland
post office. “No one realized it was there until someone accidentally
moved the out-of-order sign on the Slurpee machine,” she said.
Mrs. Clinton says that despite belief among muggles that Saddam was a
“Hitler” like man of evil, the Iraqi dictator was actually
kind and gentle in bed. “He was nowhere near as rough as Bill, and
he had some secret moves that could make me understand how he has attracted
so many women in his native land.”
Mrs. Clinton says she hid Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction in
an Arkansas trailer park not far from the Clinton Presidential library,
now under construction in Little Rock. “It was just what you might
call ‘my place called Hope,’ she says in the addendum. “Just
in case Bill got out of line one more time, “she says,” I
threatened to call in the UN weapons inspectors and pin this all on him.”
Mrs. Clinton says reports that she had planned to lure Richard Mellon
Scaife to the presidential library when workers were pouring concrete,
“are without foundation.”
What’s curious about Mrs. Clintons’ confession is that she
says she moved the weapons of mass destruction to Arkansas long before
the Bush administration began its war chanting in mid-2002. In fact, she
said, the weapons were there well before September 11, 2001. “I
even called the White House to let the administration know that Saddam
didn’t have any weapons anymore — I even called the residence
area, but one of the Bush twins answered the phone and said kind of rudely,
she had her own weapon of mass destruction, some guy she called ‘Jack
Daniels.’
Clinton said everyone around the Bush White House refused to listen to
her, like “some kind of right wing conspiracy.”
Clinton’s publisher says he doesn’t know why the former First
Lady did not get the material in the addendum within the original book.
The publisher says Mrs. Clinton was not available for comment as she was
“out on her broomstick playing a game of Quidditch right now…”
|
