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| Carnivorous appetite for bloodshed Bush Combat Hormone
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The discovery may help doctors understand why the Bush continuously allows his administration to be manipulated into unwise pre-emptive combat situations. Doctors say testos-firone ( a latin word for "no bullet left behind") wires the brain to resolve situations with military rather than diplomatic options. "The hormone builds up a never-ending carnivorous appetite for bloodshed, " a doctor who examined Bush at Walter Reade Army Hospital near Washington, DC said, " or at the very least a ravenous need to go on a duck hunting trip with a Supreme Court Justice. Researchers believe the combat hormone shows up early in childhood and manifests itself as an urge to roll playmates for their lunch money. When allowed to mature without interruption, the hormone can eventually attack the brain's offensive system and lead to juvenile behavior such as locker room wedgies, classroom flatulence discharges and drawing "axises of evil" on the chalkboard. Fortunately, doctors say the hormone is rarely found in human beings with leadership qualities. Most leaders have natural immunization against the possible consequence of military action, and its health, financial and social impacts. Still, once in a while, the hormone crops up in leaderships noted for loose wires within their brains. "While the hormone has been commonly sighted within dictators native to spider holes, the condition has recently replicated into cell patterns that may have suffered years of abuse from contraband pharmaceuticals or liquids. "Georgetown University officials noted in their report. "It is particularly likely to affect those who may have spent more than their allotted time in a frat row situation," the doctors added. While the combat hormone adds a zest for military operations, the hormone does not actually establish a desire to participate in combat among its victims. Short of walking a plastic Turkey through an Iraqi mess hall, Bush has personally avoided combat zones. "This is a hormone that usually affects those seeking to engage others into combat, rather than generating a demand for combat by those affected." Dr. Ivan Tankmeister said in his introduction to the report within the Chesapeake Bay Journal of Medicine. The worst part of the combat syndrome is its tendency to devour any possibility for combat, instead of digesting its intake slowly and carefully. That factor might explain Richard Clarke's assertion that the Bush administration had an unprecedented appetite for invading Iraq at a time when it could have devoured readily available international terrorists at nearby flight schools. "Iraq was George W. Bush's comfort food " Clarke explained. "He turned down the Clinton administration's Yuppie buffet of fundamentalist seppuku hara-kiri sushi on a platter." Although Bush makes it a point to stay in top physical condition by running and eating healthy foods, he does have weakness for good old GOP rubber chicken, and the fixings. "About the only risky stuff I can handle, "Dubya admitted, " is pork rinds. " Scientists will be researching the hormone within the Bush administration in hopes that they can eventually attack the effects of testos-firone before the commander-in-chief trickles down what is left of the military budget. "Even if the resulting pharmaceutical we develop results in a cost of a million dollars per pill, it will still be cheaper than the untold millions we are now committing to Iraq and Afghanistan," a Georgetown doctor admitted. "I wish, however, we could have the drug developed in Switzerland or Canada. They seem to have the testos-firone madness cured within their country," the doctor said. "If they have a drug for it, chances are it would be much cheaper than here in the US."
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Doctors
working at Georgetown University have isolated a rare hormone within the
Bush administration that triggers an overzealous appetite for combat.
The hormone may explain why Bush is unable to tell when his appetite for
military adventure is sufficed.