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War with Iraq
Halliburton
Wins Naming Rights |
 The
Bush administration announced its shock and awe at the resignations of
three members of the White House Cultural Property Advisory Committee
who denounced the administration’s failure to keep looters from
removing treasured antiquities from the Iraqi National Museum in Baghdad.
“We have a Cultural Property Advisory Committee? asked George W.
Bush.
The administration says it did all it could to protect Iraq’s national
treasures. “We had marines and Army personnel all over those oil
fields, “ White House spokesman Ari Fleisher said. “We didn’t
lose a drop of the Iraqi people’s treasure!”
Art experts from all over the world had apprised the Pentagon that the
collection of artifacts going back to the cradle of civilization in Mesopotamia
— the present day Iraq — could be a target in a lawless aftermath
to war. They had asked that the millenniums-old treasures would be kept
under special watch to prevent exactly what happened. “Instead,
the Marines were helping to destroy more historic artifacts, “ a
tearful Chicago art specialist told a hot dog vendor at Wrigley Field
— the only one he could find to listen to him.
Secretary of State Colin Powell has already dispatched a team of experts
into Iraq that is charged with finding the museum artifacts. The team
has already tracked several plumbing fixtures from Saddam Hussein’s
palaces to military duffel bags. “We’re sending in our best
trackers,” Powell said this week.” We have some of the same
folks who have been tracking Osa bin Laden and Mullah Mohammad Omar in
Afghanistan.”
Powell says he believes looters were actually in cahoots with Saddam Hussein
who is “probably keeping the treasures in whatever cave he is hiding
in!”
The administration’s chief art consultant, Attorney General John
Ashcroft says he will not shed any tears for the lost artifacts. “Some
of these so-called ‘art treasures’ actually featured women
with uncovered breast!” Ashcroft said. “It’s a good
thing that these degenerate, uncovered pieces are now being kept away
from small children.”
The administration’s spokesman in charge of faith-based operations
said the loss wasn’t as critical as most people believe. “These
artifacts actually came from long BEFORE CHRIST!” the spokesman
said,” Who believes that there was any civilization before Christ?”
First Lady Laura Bush said she was disappointed in the loss of the art
treasures. As a teacher she believes that the artifacts might have helped
“to teach us where this civilization went wrong.”
If the Mesopotamians/Iraqis hadn’t spent so much time learning how
to carve things into walls, they might have learned educational basics
such as the three R’s, “ and outsmarted Saddam Hussein.”
she said.
Her husband, however, told reporters that the administration will do “everything
it can” to recover and restore the lost artifacts. “I have
a couple of old Norman Rockwell prints in my office that I’d be
glad to donate to the newly liberated people of Iraq,” Bush said.
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