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| Mission Accomplished with "Iron Hammer" IRAQ is Schwarzenegger Country |
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Like Californians, the Iraqi people fear the impenetrable force of the wide-screen terminator. “If you think Saddam ruled with an iron fist,” Bush said in a press conference announcing the appointment of California’s new governor to the leadership of Iraq, “Wait until your country is overwhelmed with Cyborgs from the future and your governor is in the eighth month of his pregnancy. Hell hath no fury like a Terminator scorned!” Some Schwarzenegger confidantes are indignant that the additional burdens of Iraqi rule were tossed on the big-screen star just as he is getting adjusted to the move from Hollywood to Sacramento. “We think the governor should be honored by this responsibility,” a Bush aide said. “If not, we can always get Harrison Ford.” The former Texas governor reminded Californians of his state’s legendary Texas Rangers — not the baseball team Bush once owned, but the law enforcement team that is acknowledged at the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport with the “one riot, only one ranger” statue. “It’s obvious that Mr. Bush wants to bring democracy to Iraq in the worst way,” Schwarzenegger said. “At least I never say “Mission Accomplished” until I know the closing credits are about to roll.” Bush had considered making Iraq, and its oil-rich land America’s 51st state. Private polls, however, showed the move was unpopular with other states seeking admission to the US including Puerto Rico, the District of Columbia and Canada. Such a move also dropped Bush’s re-election numbers not only in Iraq, but also in California. Bush is said to be very embarrassed at the results of a question that showed his re-election numbers in California lower than former California Gov. Gray Davis. “It’s nothing more than a good butterfly ballot can fix, “Bush argued with confidence. The President’s political advisor, Karl Rove had developed an ingenious way to confuse the upcoming Democratic primary debate by appointing former Vermont Governor Howard Dean take over the reigns of the Iraq government. Dean politely declined, calling the Bush administration’s incomplete description of the job, “just another partial dearth distortion, from this administration.” Bush also considered his Vietnam era strategy of going AWOL from the White House while he personally tended to running the Halliburton operation in Iraq. Before coming to the White House, after all, Bush was a successful “compassionate conservative” managing a state of 22 million people . “Like Texas, Iraq has a lot of guys with weapons that get drunk on a Saturday night, and some places where it’s not safe to walk after dark. “But then — unlike Texas — Iraq doesn’t have
a good supply of pork rinds.”
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“Operation
Iron Hammer” designed to stem the rumor that the “Mission
Accomplished “banner in Iraq was a bit premature, has taken on a
deadly new face. Without the permission of its outgoing or incoming governor,
George W. Bush, has arranged to make Iraq a protectorate of the state
of California. This way, Bush can cut his losses and bring home battered
US troops, leaving the nation-building (or destruction) to the most fearsome
force ever known to this planet.