the Foggy Bottom from the Third Rail
Will Kucinich Take Vow to Boost Gay Marriage?
Queer Eyes for the Kucinich Guy
In the News
Lake Eerie near his native Cleveland, Dennis Kucinich’s presidential
campaign has not yet caught fire. Kucinich has the fire in the belly to
inflame the hearts and minds of those who once believed that “We
Shall Overcome,” and that “War is not healthy for children
and other living things.” Like Dr. Martin Luther King, Kucinich
sees an America where children grow up to be judged not by the color of
their skin, the label on their sneakers or the car they drive, but by
the content of their character.
As the John Kerry steamroller crushes the hopes and dreams
of four-star generals and once-unstoppable governors who marched with
armies of dreams, Dennis Kucinich still stands in the race, often only
knee-high to Al Sharpton. The Vegan bachelor has eluded the attention
of a press more interested in the raw meat of blood-thirsty front-runner
pummeling. Kucinich has also escaped the notice of voters more interested
in sending George W. Bush to share a cave in Crawford, Texas with Osama
Kucinich needs to find a hot issue and throw himself into the fire.
There is nothing hotter this year than the idea of segregating people
in love. Marriage, the popular notion says, is a sacred rite reserved
for those whose plumbing interconnect as in the textbooks. This sacred
vow that over the centuries has kept couples in love until lawyers were
invented, is apparently the glue that holds every Republican (with the
possible exception of Brittany Spears) together. Now, the very idea that
people could fall in love without the proper plumbing, has flushed the
face of matrimony in America.
A gay marriage is just what bachelor Kucinich needs to
light a fire under America.
Imagine, the idea of presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich joining the throngs at San Francisco City Hall in an act of twenty-first century civil disobedience. Like John Howard Griffin in “Black Like Me,” the heterosexual Kucinich will literally open his heart to America threatened by those who would amend the constitution with a new form of prohibition. In a history-making speech to be broadcast live on CNN and even Fox, Kucinich will vow “Groucho Marx once said, marriage, more than politics makes strange bedfellows. Whether or not America finds it strange, Throckmorton and I will from this day forward be bedfellows!”
Kucinich need only reiterate his long-felt belief that marriage is a covenant not reserved for Adam and Eve. The declaration of independence demands the right of “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” Kucinich declares on national TV, and he says Throckmorton will make him happy. “Being on the road during a presidential campaign makes you lonely,” Kucinich says. “As the only bachelor in the race, I felt it was time to at least find love, if not a primary victory.”
In this courageous act, Kucinich can say that not only will his administration be the first to have a Department of Peace, his will be the first administration to have a Man of War as the first spouse. “Throckmorton” will take the shape of an Iraq war veteran, a man twice the war hero that John Kerry is. “Not only did Throckmorton discover the spider hole where Saddam was sleeping, “Kucinich will say, “he offered to redecorate it for the ousted president.
In deference to his privacy , Kucinich will decline to give “Throckmorton’s ” last name, saying only his fiancé was a very private man who had known poverty by its first name, and “War is Hell” by its last name. Biographers will note that Kucinich and Throckmorton first met at one of Jim Hightower’s “Rolling Thunder” tours in Ohio, where Throckmorton was offering Al Gore 2000 fans an opportunity to demolish a 1961 Corvair driven by Ralph Nader.
In this noble move, Kucinich could put a face on an issue that has received unbalanced attention in the national dialogue. More than the deregulation of the news media by the FCC, the regulation of natural selection has been under heavy attack by this nation’s think tanks and the failed intelligence of the Bush administration. The idea that a constitutional amendment will deter cupid’s arrow comes from the same thought process that teaches America the only way to stop people from killing is by killing them.
Sure, there are other ways that only Dennis Kucinich can bring back the peace and justice generation of the 60’s and early 70’s. One idea reportedly circulating is a bid to create a basic minimum income for all Americans by acquiring Halliburton through government eminent domain process and sharing the company’s profits with every man woman and child in America. Kucinich’s plan to turn every WalMart in America into an overnight homeless shelter also ran into opposition. “Somehow the idea of street people crawling all over our fine linens while chewing on Nachos and cheese sauce, takes away from our good Christian spirit,” a Wal-Mart official said.
San Francisco’s unexpected mass gay wedding weekend has opened just the right door for Kucinich’s ideas. Sure, Kucinich — although a consistent supporter of gay rights — has never before expressed a romantic interest in men. But then, his romantic life has never been as appealing as his political life.,
If he wants to be President, he will feel increasing pressure to get married. America’s last bachelor President James Buchanan, left a poor legacy to his successor, Abraham Lincoln.
America’s hearts are burning. The fires have left Lake Eerie, but America’s hope for a new generation of social change is on the precipice of rekindling. The Kucinich campaign can still catch fire with a match made in political heaven.
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