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| Takes $10,000 Prize to Prove Bush Was Active in National Guard Bin Laden Captures Bush Vietnam Experience |
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Cartoonist Gary Trudeau, creator of the Doonesbury comic strip says bin Laden would have been a clear winner of the prize money he established to “put to rest rumors that Bush was missing in action in 1972.” According to Trudeau, bin Laden had a fond recollection of Bush during those formative years. “It was like being with family,” bin Laden observed to Trudeau in his message claiming the prize. “We go back several generations, his family and mine…” bin Laden says he remembers Bush during those formative years, having served beside him as a trainee in covert operations sponsored by the CIA — run by Bush’s father. “Actually, George Junior and I got along so well, “bin Laden says, “that he recommended me to his father to help in a regime change in Chile “With those 17 bullet wounds I had Allendé inflict into himself, “he added, “ I made a mark for myself in the terrorism game.” bin Laden noted that he got along well with Bush on the issues they discussed on weekend passes in Alabama. “I remember Bush leading this uprising at the officer’s club against our increased payroll deductions,” Osama recalled. “Bush would stand up on the table, point out that Air National Guard officers who were keeping Alabama free from the Viet Cong should not be taxed at the same rate as mere enlisted men. He said it was the officers who created jobs around the Guard bases — things like cleaning latrines and peeling potatoes.” It was Bush, bin Laden said, who said it might be cheaper for the Guard to import soldiers from other countries who would do these jobs for cheaper pay. This way, Bush noted, underpaid officers could spend more on wine, women and all the other necessities of life in Alabama. bin Laden recalled that it was also Bush who recommended that then-Alabama Governor George Wallace plan a pre-emptive war against the tyrannical jack-booted thugs in Washington, DC who were shoving integration down Alabama’s throat. “If he had found an oil well somewhere in Alabama, Bush would have been the first to suit up for the war, “ bin Laden noted. Failing that, Bush finally recommended that Southern segregationist put the concept of “separate but equal” in the form of a constitutional amendment to “protect the sanctity” of our pursuit of happiness.” Bush was every bit the compassionate conservative that bin Laden was, the terrorist agreed. “Like me, he believed that death and destruction should be enjoyed from a distance by those of us in a leadership role and up close and personal by those who are expendable,” bin Laden said. “Sometimes, of course, those who go up close and personal come back and haunt you in your re-election bid.” Trudeau says while bin Laden will be declared the winner of the contest, recent legislation makes it difficult to forward the $10,000 prize to bin Laden. “Mr. bin Laden has been cooperative, however, “Trudeau said. “He says he would be willing to accept the value of the prize in flying lessons.” |
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Rumors
abound that Osama bin Laden was captured in Pakistan this week after the
terrorist leader attempted to qualify for a $10,000 prize offered to anyone
who could prove that George W. Bush actually served in the National Guard
during the Vietnam War.