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| Elderly Come to the Aid of their Local Pharmaceutical Executive Medigaps Force Senior Gasps |
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The “prescription drug” addition to the nearly 40-year-old entitlement was passed in the dark of the night during Thanksgiving week, and now that morning has broken in the government printing office, some of the law’s disturbing effects are coming to light. When seniors take a look at the results of the late-morning sausage making, they might want to take a tour of the facility that makes their breakfast sausage. Critics immediately pointed to obvious flaws in the legislation, demonstrating the possibility that House Republicans who celebrated with confetti and balloons provided by pharmaceutical representatives have never seen the insides of a fixed income. Among the biggest “flaw,” is the inability of financially able seniors to fill gaps in the new coverage with old-fashioned medi-gap insurance as is possible under the rest of MediCare. “We wanted seniors to really think about whether or not they needed prescription drugs,” one House Republican said. “If someone is going to pass out eventually anyway, do they really need to waste insurance company money on pain medication?” Taking a page from the software industry, George W. Bush and his fellow Republicans in Congress say the lack of “Medi-gap” coverage is a “feature” not a failing. “The more seniors we lose because they can’t afford prescription drugs, the more profit for the drug companies,” Bush says. Limitations in the new legislation expressly forbid giving any price breaks to seniors that would reduce the profits of pharmaceutical companies. “No senior should have the bankruptcy of their favorite drug company on their conscience,” another Republican suggested. “Most grandparents will want to keep the drug companies healthy so their children can continue to be entertained by their commercials on television.” While some far-right conservative Republicans argued that the whole idea of giving seniors more access to life-saving drugs than their forefathers was contrary to America’s spirit of Rugged Individualism, many of them were won over by the thought of impoverished drug company CEO’s being denied Super Bowl tickets and interviews with Robin Leach because some arthritic grandma wouldn’t give a gratuity to her pharmacist. Still, Republicans say there is some work to do in fixing the present Medicare bill, immediately after the next election — and before the legislation takes effect in 2006. Among some features being considered to cut the program’s costs: 1. Limiting eligibility to the Medicare program to those over 80 and accompanied by both parents. 2. Relatives of pharmaceutical companies and Republican politicians are exempted from the over-the-counter cost of medications. 3. Barring drug imports from Canada, and encouraging experimental imports from Columbia. 4. Competitions at Bingo halls for seniors to win prescription drug coverage. Losers would be eliminated from Medicare. 5. Encouraging seniors to emigrate to Canada. |
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Seniors seeking
alleged medicinal coverage in the newly passed Medicare revision have
been advised to take two nips of Jack Daniels and call their local pharmaceutical
company in the morning.