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In
the News
Arnold's Do Not Grope List |
 Leaders
and residents of the Pacific Northwest have invited Saddam Hussein and
Osama bin Laden to establish terrorist training camps in the area in order
to get the attention of the Bush Administration. Although neighboring
Idaho has experience in running Neo-Nazi training camps, the Pacific Northwest
so far has avoided extremist of any kind — especially Republicans.
Washington Gov. Gary Locke is reputed to be on a trade mission to China
this week, but the governor reportedly has actually penciled in time near
the Pakistani border at the southeastern end of China to meet with Bin
Laden.
Fellow Democrat, Oregon Governor Ted Kulongoski is expected to join him
there shortly. They expect to find phone numbers for both Hussein and
bin Laden in the internal Halliburton company phone book. “We are
simply frustrated by the fact that the Bush administration does not seem
to notice the existence of the Pacific Northwest, unless it is to cut
down our trees,” Governor Locke said.
The two states are suffering an unemployment rate far above the national
average and there has never been a recovery in the Pacific Northwest,
jobless or not. It is not coincidental that both Oregon and Washington
were carried by Al Gore in 2000, along with the other large Pacific Coast
state to the South which is suddenly in the hands of Bush’s Republican
Party after last week's recall election. “The Effete Eastern Liberal
Press didn’t even recognize that we had a recall election in Oregon
and Washington as well,” Kulongoski says,” We didn’t
have a celebrity on the recall ballot, only George W. Bush. Let’s
say the vote to recall Bush here, made Gray Davis look like a very popular
man in comparison.”
Unemployment is so high here, the governors said, there is no more money
in the unemployment compensation fund. “We are handing out lottery
tickets instead,” Gov. Locke said.
In comparison, Gov. Kulongoski said, when Bill Clinton was president,
the Pacific Northwest sold more computer chips than White House area drug
stores sold condoms.
The invitation to Hussein and bin Laden arose after state leaders discovered
that Iraq and Afghanistan will not only get $87 billion in relief under
the Bush Marshall plan, but the Bush administration will send in top motivational
speakers including Tony Robbins, Neal Boortz, George H. W. Bush, and Gary
Coleman to Iraq to get people there involved in selling Amway and Mary
Kay products. “We really feel left out, “Gov. Locke said in
an interview. “First Boeing abandons us for Chicago, and now, not
even Avon is calling.
Locke added that the Pacific Northwest does not have the lure of the oil
fields that got Bush and his Twenty-First Century team interested in Iraq.
“We do, however, thanks to Microsoft, have our fingers on just about
every computer in the world,” Locke said. “If Mr. Bush thinks
the problems he’s having in Iraq are rough right now, wait until
Mr. Hussein and bin Laden get their hands on the Windows Blue Screen of
Death.”
Bush’s Political Advisor Karl Rove, pulling back a Cuba Libré
said the administration has the same amount of compassion for the Pacific
Northwest as it has for the rest of the red states taken by Al Gore in
2000. “Still, the Pacific Northwest is home to two of the richest
men in the world,” Rove said. “If both of these men chipped
in just $40 billion a piece to the Bush re-election campaign, chances
are that we could take another look at the needs of this seriously depressed
area.
“We might even consider the open-source operating systems we’re
using on our new weapons systems that we’re developing for Cuba’s
October surprise.”
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