Exposing the Foggy Bottom from the Third Rail
Real August 6, 2001 Memo Revealed
Was White House Scammed?
In the News
Editors Note: Liftingthefog.com has obtained an appendix to the original Presidential Briefing Memo released by the White House this week.
AUGUST 6, 2001
DEAR MOST HONORABLE LEADER of SCUM-SUCKING PERVERTS
I must solicit your confidence in this transaction by virtue of its nature
as being utterly confidential and possibly detrimental to your political
fortunes in your pantywaist country.
I am your brother in blood and oil, a member of the Saudi
Arabian tribe of bin Laden. Should you want more information in that regard
please contact the man you refer to as “41.” As the “high
priest” of Al Qaeda, I represent a highly diversified portfolio
of faith-based militants who rob from our rich relatives to feed our bloodthirsty
appetite for world domination. At this point in our diversification we
are interested in opening new overseas markets for our unique brand of
In order to commence our franchise opportunities in such diverse new communities
as New York, New York, and Washington, DC, we solicit your assistance
in gaining political capital. While our resources are limited only to
the thirst for huge energy- squandering vehicles in your country, we are
currently depleting our capital at a high rate. (Have you priced a decent
flight school in Florida lately?) In order that our resources are used
most efficiently, we have decided to seek your cooperation in sharing
the political capital at hand.
Our focus groups established in various US communities such as Houston,
Nashville, and Grasshopper Junction, Arizona, have demonstrated that should
we establish targets for our world domination efforts within your borders,
it would severely elevate the faith of the common American citizen in
his duly televised leaders — even if they were never elected in
the firsts place. Such devotion would reap a large amount of political
capital estimated not only to bring devotion to your office, but undue
influence in political selections for decades to come. By simply addressing
the people through a bullhorn amidst the waste that we will leave in our
wake, you will become a feared and noble leader. You will be undertake
noble experiments in policy such as rewriting your constitution (a copy
of our Taliban constitution is enclosed for your consideration) establishing
munificent tax cuts for yourself and your friends, as well as eliminating
any barriers for your future re-elections and your children’s succession.
In return, all that we ask is that you lower your vigilance
at the time of our intrusion in to your borders. We promise that our visit
will be only temporary, long enough to convince our board of directors
and shareholders that we are serious in our cause. By allowing us a minimally
secure entry, you can save your military efforts for more important causes
such as removing certain military dictatorships that violate the voice
of Allah — especially those who permit disgusting gyrations of the
human body and conjugate a certain Western dance tradition. Mr. Scum-Sucking
Leader, you may rock,we may rock, but *I* DO NOT Rock!”
Remember that throughout this cooperation, you can continue to spin bad
thoughts about myself and my worthy band of followers. You can establish
us within your axis of evil, and you can defame our mothers. However,
you cannot make any efforts to detain us. In fact, I would suggest that
should you join in our cooperative effort, you make it possible for close
members of my family to escape detection by any American law enforcement
agency or vigilante citizens.
In addition, for your promise of continued protection, I will join you
at a press conference vowing my unconditional surrender at a place and
time of your choosing, but certainly within two weeks of your re-election
effort in 2004.
WE ARE LOOKING FOWARD TO DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU AND SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY
IN THIS TRANSACTION.
PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT OF THIS LETTER USING THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS. I
WILL BRING YOU INTO THE COMPLETE PICTURE OF THIS PENDING PROJECT WHEN
I HAVE HEARD FROM YOU.
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