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| The California Recall View from Foggy Bottom Could We Make This Up? |
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“I just can’t make this stuff up anymore,”
said Dave Barry, still suffering the slings and pregnant chads of a Florida
election a long time ago, in a Ford Galaxie driving as far from Florida
as he could get. “I’m getting nostalgic for Philadelphia winters,”
he added. “Not even we could get away with a story that had
a “Terminator,” a porn king, a baseball commissioner and a
bimbo running an eight-week race where the grand prize is dealing with
a $38 billion deficit and living in Sacramento for three summers in a
row, “ said a local man identified only as a high executive with
the Onion. Mark Russell, a humorist frequently featured on PBS said
the bottom line is, as usual, money. “The state is charging $3,500
per ticket to attend this circus, a preposterous price of admission —
given the number of entries in this race — that will net the state
more than the $38 billion it needs. Russell says. “In fact, I think
this all a plot by Gray Davis to balance the budget and have enough left
over to irrigate Death Valley with Oregon water and build a huge gambling
resort that features California politicians in a huge Improv theatre.
“ There are some members of the Academy who say the recall
effort is a serious effort to find a dramatic alternative to a governor
who is as colorful as his name. “When was the last time you’ve
ever seen Gray Davis take one small step on a banana peel and a giant
step for California’s humor industry?” said Jay Leno, who
hosted Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entry into the recall race to “pump
up” his ratings. Leno’s rival David Letterman, still angry that child
star Gary Coleman snubbed his invitation to upstage Leno, says the best
way for the political humor academy to overcome the challenge from reality
is to bid a swift “Hasta La Vista” to the recall effort. “We can provide a team of our best writers and botox artists to work on the governor and make him a lovable figure.” Letterman said. The Late Night host created a “Top Ten” list of ways of making Gray Davis more lovable. 10. Be seen counseling J Lo and Ben to NOT make a sequel to Gigli. 9. Five: Words: Tax Credits for Pet Owners 8. Extend a pardon to Daryl Issa 7. Move State Capitol to Castro District of San Francisco 6. Locate Saddam at Fresno delicatessen and get $25 million reward. 5. Change name of state to (Bob) Hope. 4. Get sex education from Bill Clinton. 3. Have an affair with Hillary Clinton. 2. Have an affair with Gary Coleman.. And the number one way to make Gray Davis more lovable: Change Name to the politician formerly known as Gray Davis. “That’s it! “ Buchwald responded. “The governor can change his name to “The Terminator, and throw this race into confusion and save his own neck.” Meanwhile, political humor can be returned to the professionals!” |
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The
Academy of Political Humor Arts and Sciences have called an emergency
meeting at the Foggy Bottom Metro Station in Washington, DC to consider
filing suit against organizers of the Cirque du Lunacy, sometimes known
as the California recall effort.