| |
In the News
FCC: One Size Fits
All
|
 "Our
first priority will be to restore honor and dignity to the White House,"
—
George W. Bush, in 2000 campaign.
There was the sound of frustration in the voice of George W. Bush as
he kept trying to fold the road map in front of him in the Oval Office.
"&$@Q)$ Roadmap!" Bush was crying out. "You'd think
that in this age of GPS Positioning Devices, they could make a roadmap
that folds itself!
"Actually, Sir, I think Hamas has already folded your Middle East
roadmap pretty well," a presidential aide remarked. "Maybe when
Condoleezza gets back from the Mid-East you can ask her to stop at the
Chevron station and pick up a new road map, I hear she gets a good deal
on them — especially now that Chevron is getting some extra resources
from Iraq. "
"You could just call in one of the interns and have her fold up the
road map for you," another aide suggested.
"Damn you Smithers, you know that I can't get caught with an intern
in the Oval Office," Bush reminded his staff.
"Oh yes, I understand sir, we couldn't leave the public with a bad
taste in their mouths, " the staffer replied. "We can't even
have the appearance of sex in the White House."
Just then, the Oval Office phone rang again. "Put him on Mary, "Bush
shouted into the phone."Don't forget to erase any call logs from
this call; don't even leave the 18 minutes you forgot to delete last time….."
A smile was on Bush's face as he lit up a cigar, pushed his chair back
and slapped his knee. "Hey, Kenny Boy, you heard about that big tax
cut Delay and I got for you? Should be almost enough to pay some of your
lawyer bills."
"What do you mean I should call off the lawyers?" Bush asked.
"Hey, I got them to indict that blonde dumbbell broad instead of
you, just so the public can have a virgin sacrifice! Serves her right
for dealing with K-Mart."
"What do you mean, she's no virgin? Kenny Boy, I swear if you were
keeping company with her, I'm going to have to turn your lights off, just
like you did for Gray Davis and the people of California…"
"I don't know, Kenny Boy." Bush penciled a note to a staff member
as he continued his conversation with Ken Lay. "I'm going to need
some more money for my campaign this time, you know that Al Sharpton guy
has already raised more than $10 to defeat me next year. I think maybe
$400 million should get us started with buying some bumper stickers."
As Bush hung up the phone, his staffer looked incredulously at the penciled-in
note. "You don't think Ken is stupid enough to accept being Ambassador
to Baghdad? "
The President gave the aide a look of disdainement, noting that Ken Lay
was smart enough to unscrew the light bulbs of millions of customers,
never mind the employees charged with screwing customers and lightbulbs.
"Hell yes, he's stupid enough. And this leeps him out of the country
during an election year, and he gets to enjoy a climate just like Houston!
Who knows, maybe he'll meet a nice lawyer and live happily ever after!"
"I guess this is was better than your suggestion to appoint Saddam
Hussein as US ambassador to France," the aide recalled.
"Osama was too busy," Bush said. "By the way, where is
Colin today?"
"Oh, he's meeting over at the State Department with that Clifford
Irving , the guy who wrote all of our talking points prior to the Iraq
war?" the staffer stopped to think for a minute. "Why does that
name ring a bell?"
"Mr. Irving is a great author. At one point in his life he convinced
the entire world that he had written an authorized biography of Howard
Hughes," Bush told the staffer. "Convincing Colin that Saddam
had weapons of mass destruction was a cinch!"
"Colin was just the guy you needed to give your point credibility,"
the staffer responded. "Amazing work sir!"
"You know, I think I have this roadmap almost folded back in place…"
Bush told the staffer.
"Uhm, I thin there's a section of the Middle East that's still out
of place, sir. " the staffer replied.
"Not anymore," Bush said reaching for his scissors. " WE
paid for this roadmap, and we can damn sure do what ever we want with
it…"
With that, Bush took the scissors and cut out the countries in his way
— including Israel, Syria, Iran, Saudi Arabia and North Korea. The
roadmap folded together easily, even though there were obvious holes where
countries once sat.
"I'm sure glad you are maintaining integrity in the White House,
sir." The staffer said.
|
