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In
the News
Hillary Clinton and the
Chamber of Secrets
|
 Blame
Canada.
From the true north strong and free, to the fruited plains, June has been
a wondrous month for the advancement of gay and lesbian rights.
It all began in the land of Mounties and chocolate moose, when the government
refused to appeal an Ontario court decision that in effect opened the
maple leaf gate to gay marriages. A week later, the US Supreme Court said
it is OK for gay people in the US to have sex.
Leave it to the Americans to rush to bed without the formality of a wedding.
While Canadian homosexuals can experience the pomp and circumstance of
a Wedding March, American homosexuals are now encouraged to have one night
stands, but are stopped short of shopping for a wedding dress, diamond
rings and pure leather chaps. Perhaps some are not necessarily stopped,
but they still must do their shopping in the still of the night in the
light of a 17-inch monitor instead of experiencing a bridal shower.
Chances are, that the rush of Americans into Canada by gay folks seeking
to say “I do, eh?” will ultimately send American courts into
confusion when gay marriage in natural order turns into gay divorce. As
glamorous as gay marriage may seem at this early stage, the dirty laundry
in the homosexual agenda may have to be ultimately exposed in public.
“When I was married to Lester, my shirts always felt fabulous!”
George will whisper to Harry after a long night at a gay bar. “If
you can’t even get the stains out of my underwear, you might as
well go marry Monica Lewinsky!”
“I have nothing against homosexuals and other degenerates, “Justice
Anthony Scalia said in entering his dissent to the US Supreme Court opinion.
“Scalia said in the dissent delivered from the bench. “After
all, I even put up with Justice Clarence here who has never met a porno
case in which he wasn’t interested.”
“I can’t help it if my hormones were raised in an affirmative
action lifestyle, “Thomas responded.
Meanwhile, other right wing ideologues are gathering in Montgomery, Alabama
where the state’s legislature recently eliminated a ban on inter-racial
marriages that remained on the books. Despite the apparent cave-in on
that issue, it will take the more recent court decision some time to fight
its organized opposition. North America is in real serious trouble in
the wake of the approval of gay sex in the US and gay marriage in Canada,
according to the Rev. Pat Robertson. Gay sex may appeal to heathens like
the French, Robertson says, but he doubts if America is ready to “super-size”
perversion in its legal system. “If you think we are intolerant
about homosexual sex, wait until Osama bin Laden hears this,” Robertson
noted. “Once he gets confused about just who is under that burqua
, you can bet he’ll be pissed.”
The fundamentalists gathered in Montgomery did all they could to remind
folks about the natural order of things: working and earning money is
for the father of a family (unless of course the father is black, and
then he belongs in prison). Cooking and cleaning is for women and if they
don’t do it right, they need to be slapped around. Marriage and
sex should come in that order and ONLY in the order of the woman when
she is walking several feet behind her husband. God blesses rich men with
Presidents who cut their taxes, while the meek are told they will inherit
the earth. Troops that fight for these ideals on behalf of Americans should
be blessed by God, while religions that represent the wrong God, and insist
on defending themselves should be met with regime change.
Finally, the men of faith in Montgomery found an appropriate vehicle for
sending a message to their God. “Amidst our idealists, there are
those who have not abandoned their faith in all that is natural,”
Robertson said. “They are old enough that they will soon be in line
to meet their maker.”
Representatives of the group met with Lester Maddox and Strom Thurmond
just days before they died this week. Both seemed delighted to share their
earthly wisdom with the Supreme Being. “We are honored to take on
this task,” they said as they were quickly dispatched. “I’m
sure we can set God straight.”
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