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In
the News
Go West Young Freedom Fifhter
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 Republicans
rushed back to Washington this week after their month-long vacation to
pass legislation that replaces the Labor department with the new Bush
administration Department of Slavery.
The bill was passed on a straight Republican vote on Labor
Day after Republicans confirmed they had a double-secret quorum in the
House and US Senate. “Texas Democrats are not the only ones who
can play games with quorums, House Majority Leader Tom Delay told a press
conference after the vote.
The new department of slavery, modeled after John Ashcroft’s “Injustice”
Department will significantly reduce the impact of Labor Unions and workers
on federal labor regulations. “It will mean that everyone who wants
a job, will have one, “ Delay said, “ and more importantly
it will mean that employers will not have to be distracted from creating
jobs by considerations such as salary and benefits.”
Sources who have studied the legislation say that while everyone will
have a job, those at the bottom of the labor chain will no longer have
incomes. Those who qualify as “no-wage earners” will depend
entirely on slave owners for their food and shelter. Republicans claim
that much as the Patriot Act can suspend some basic rights during the
war on terrorism, the Humanitarian Bondage Act can suspend the Emancipation
Proclamation as well.
The elimination of the Department of Labor means that employer regulations
from the Child Labor Act to the Family Leave Act signed into a law by
President Clinton a decade ago will no longer be in force. Neither will
such restrictive laws as the minimum wage and work safety regulations.
The Bush plan will allow parents and children to work together picking
cotton, grapes and coal, whistling while they work. “I believe this
will create more of a family environment at places of employment, where
the business is responsible for building barracks to house its workers
and distributing grains and other commodities to feed the help,”
George W. Bush said in signing the law. “Of course employers will
be allowed tax deductions for providing food and housing for their slaves.”
Labor Union attorneys say they are still studying the new regulations,
but some Democrats have already expressed displeasure with the bill. Presidential
Candidate Joe Liebermann said while the creation of master-slave relationships
is a necessary return to biblical roles to assure jobs for the masses,
he feels the Bush administration may have gone too far in eliminating
prohibitions against children working in coal mines. “This could
encourage some children to take up smoking,” Liebermann noted.
Political consultants fear the Bush administrations bold stroke may jeopardize
some of the Latino vote in the Southwestern US, as jobs such as fruit
picking, harvesting and field plowing are turned over to US citizens with
advanced college degrees whose only employable job skills until now were
flipping burgers and washing cars.
Some industries are expected to suffer as well, especially the automobile
and fast food industries. Workers chained to their barracks on plantations
are unlikely to need or purchase new cars, and troughs of fresh grains
and trickle-down water buckets are likely to replace workers’ dependence
on fast food restaurants. “That’s the neat thing about this
program, “ Dubya Bush explained, “Anyone who loses their jobs
in these industries will automatically qualify for the retraining camps
and work on the plantations. “
Bush noted that with the 2004 election still more than a year away, the
transition into putting America back to work is a full time occupation
for him and his staff. “This will be the start of a major industrial
revolution,” Bush said, ever so humbly. “We can’t just
give America’s upper crust tax cuts alone; we have to give them
a reward for investing their inheritances in the US political economy.
What better reward then to restore traditions that go back not only to
our founding fathers, but even to the earliest management policies of
our Creator? “
Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao says she agreed to step down as Labor Secretary
to allow Secretary of State Colin Powell to become the official mascot
for the new Department of Slavery. Powell will be among the first group
of slaves assembled at the inaugural plantation near Crawford, Texas.
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