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| Bush, Cheney Occupy Iraq Is It Time for Them to Go? |
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Slavery: An Investment in Jobs?
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My fellow Americans:
Tonight, I look back on all that and ask if it was worth it to seize the presidency of the US as I did. These first three years have been tough, and Karl and the guys want me to take on five more. I think not, it really is time for me to go. It’s for damn sure that the American people are not better off than they were four years ago. I’ve given more than three million of you a lot more time to complain about little annoyances like having a roof over your head and eating regular meals. I’ve given each of your grandchildren the opportunity to purchase the equivalent of new Lexus every year for the government without having use of the vehicle. I’ve made the world a safer place for Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, sending them to a place where people can worship them in absentia, while no one can hear about their mistakes. For a while you nervously followed me when I said the magic words “let’s roll.” You followed me in hopes that I knew where I was going. You followed me even when you knew that Dick Cheney, Karl Rove and Halliburton were really telling me where to go. I want to thank the American people for making Dick, Karl and I better off than we were four years ago. We and our friends have achieved a far lower tax burden, and thanks to the solid investment in Halliburton by the American people, our stocks have never been higher and our happiness has never been greater. Thanks to all of you, my children, Jenna and Barbara will never want for an opportunity to get stoned. As someone who remembers a time when even my father’s Columbian agricultural connections could not reap sufficient harvests for my needs, I truly appreciate that.When I said, “Let’s roll,” you, the American people said “how high?” But working a government job as I have these past three years has been stressful. Some people actually had the nerve to question why I should take a month off when other government employees I sent overseas can’t get a month off unless they come home in a body bag. There are actually those that want me to resolve problems that can’t be resolved with tax cuts — if there really is such a thing. The last time I worked for the government I was keeping the skies from Texas to Alabama free of Viet Cong until I was worn down so badly I had to leave a year early. I’m starting to get that feeling again, especially at a time when I have to consult with Gray Davis on how to keep my poll numbers from falling any faster. So, Dick and I have chosen to Move On. NO, I’m not getting involved with that unpatriotic commie group that got started by declaring lying about sex, a lesser High Crime and Misemeanor than lying about weapons of mass destruction. Dick and I are moving on to lead a country that is more appreciative of our talents. The new Iraq will celebrate the kind of country John Ashcroft, Dick Cheney and I were trying to build here in these past two years. The new Iraq will give us not just a White House in muggy, snowy Washington, DC and Crawford, but seven well-decorated palaces kindly left to us by Saddam Hussein. Most importantly, the new Iraq will give us oil revenues for new centuries to come. These spoils should not be left to crazy Arabs who can’t appreciate them. I think somewhere Saddam Hussein will be smiling down on us. If that fails, we’ll just come back and run for Governor of what’s left of California. Thank you, and good night. |
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A
long time ago, in a galaxy far from Crawford, Texas, someone whose name
slips my mind at the moment, gave me some good advice. “It’s
time for them to go,” he said about myself and Dick Cheney, just
before he and some woman performed an obscene act of oral coupling on
the stage. I have heard that had he not performed that obscene act which
caused Arnold Schwarzenegger to blush, Al Gore might have beaten me so
badly that I could not have taken the White House.